Bittersweet

We tend to seek comfort in the people that are sharing the same experience as us. The ability to relate to another person who "gets it" or "truly understands" has proven to be one of the best forms of medicine in this adoption journey. I had joined a Guatemalan discussion board back in April of this year. Through this board, I have met the most amazing people. Together, we have supported each other through tears, anger, frustration, joy, etc. Most of my knowledge about Guatemala (adoptions) has come from others sharing their experiences, and helping me understand ours. Over the last few weeks, I have shared in the joy of many of these families getting word that they were able to book their flight and go get their child.
Although my happiness and joy for them is genuine and heartfelt, the selfish "woe is me" voice keeps surfacing. I find myself thinking "According to the process or general timelines, WE should have already been called. WE should have had Anthony at home already. How is it that THEY started after us and are united already?" Perhaps my severe disappointment that Anthony will not be sharing Christmas with us is the root of these selfish thoughts. Or maybe, I am just weakening and giving in to impatience. I know that people are now taking in a deep breath before asking "How are things going? When do you think he will be home?" because they are worried and care about how this is for us. Some people don't even ask at all anymore. I assure you - this is only dancing around the white elephant in the room. Our missing and longing for Anthony is very real and a very big part of our lives. To pretend that it isn't happening and we are not feeling any sadness about his absence only hurts more.
So, I will shorten my ranting by simply stating this - please pray that our family has continued strength to endure the rest of the wait. Pray that we continue to keep an open and joyous heart for all of the families that are being united this holiday season. Pray that we find the strength to rebuke the "Why can't I have that" attitude, and remember to feel the truth that God's timing is purposeful. And last but not least, pray that the people that are processing our adoption are not screwing up God's timing by taking to long to do their job.