Many have said that when the day comes and you finally bring your little one home - the details and pain of waiting melt away like a bad dream. I hope that they are right. Maybe God spares us this because in some way it belittles the joy encompassing this difficult journey. Or maybe God rewards us adoptive parents for our valiant efforts and determination to carry out His will. I will believe in the later.
I will never be able to accurately measure the number of tears shed, every gut wrenching heart beat, or every moment that I have cried so hard that I couldn't catch my breath throughout this adoption. The feeling of helplessness is so stifling that it is indescribable. Without my faith in God I would crumble.
I would be terribly remiss if I failed to parallel that with the inability to accurately measure the number of tears shed of joy, the heart beats that are so full with love and pride, and the moments in which someones graciousness has literally taken my breath away.
I get so much solace in knowing that when the day comes and Anthony is home, this will all melt away. All that will be left is the many, many blessings that helped this "coming home" garden grow. In this garden will be the most beautiful bouquet of family, friends (new and old), trust, love, patience, generosity, compassion, pride, strength, etc. etc. etc.
Until then I will continue to water the garden and revel in it's growth.
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3 comments:
WOW!! That was beautiful. Gave me goosebumps and brought more of those ever-present tears to my eyes. Seems like I have tears in my eyes 24/7 lately. They wait on the sideline for that moment when just the "right" thought or word pushes them over the edge and a full-fledged cry commences!!!!
Crying is an awesome emotion. I believe the tears we shed in pain are sent by God to cleanse us and wash away that pain and heartache. And, in antithesis, I believe the tears we shed in joy are sent by God so that we remember the blessings he bestows upon us. How amazing and even ironic that God uses the same show of emotion to help us forget the bad times but remember the good times.
Ahhh...thank you for this post and for reminding me to not only look at my tears as something painful, but to remember that we cry because God created us to feel pain AND joy and He gave us a way to share those emotions with the people around us.
shoolady,
I just had to respond to your comments on my post. Thank you for generously offering an invitation to your heart. I am so grateful for our new found friendship (late night belly laughs, sharing of the strangest stories (I will just refer to the bread and wafers), and most importantly - to an unspoken understanding that only adoptive mothers will ever come to know. So shoolady, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are a true kindred spirit of mine.
Very breath taking honey.
Love ya MA
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